Navigating Divorce as a Parent

As a parent, your plate is full in so many ways. 

You have household chores to tackle and bills to pay. 

You’ve got school and childcare schedules, dentist appointments, birthday parties, playdates, sports, and should-they-stay-home-from-school-sick-today decisions to navigate. 

And if you work outside the home, you’ve still got to (somehow) get to the office on time. 

So, what do you do when you add a divorce to the mix? Figuring out how to navigate this situation—and all the decisions that come with it—can feel like getting signed up for a school committee that no one gave you the description for.  

Here are three practical steps designed to keep your life functioning, meet your children’s needs, and minimize stress during your divorce.

1. Seek professional legal advice early

There is a lot to legally account for as a divorcing parent. Finding the right divorce attorney early on helps you set realistic goals, explore your legal options, and plan ahead to protect your interests. 

They’ll level set expectations

An experienced family law attorney can provide insight that empowers you to make informed decisions about your options. They’ll listen carefully to your needs and concerns as a parent and help you set realistic goals to achieve them. This applies to both your legal strategy and your life post-divorce.   

Your attorney should set clear expectations for how different legal processes work, timelines, and potential outcomes. This information can help you make decisions accordingly. 

For example, an attorney can make sure you fully understand the differences between legal and physical custody and how different custody arrangements can impact both practical concerns (e.g., how parenting time may influence the amount of child support) to the less tangible (e.g., how various scenarios might support your child’s best interests).   

They’ll help you explore different ways to resolve your divorce

Mediation and other alternative dispute resolution methods can be good options for preserving family relationships while negotiating the details of your divorce—even if you and your spouse disagree on issues. 

For example, if you and your spouse are at loggerheads over the potential for limited-duration alimony as you look to re-enter the workforce, mediation can provide a more neutral forum for these negotiations and encourage a greater focus on the future. 

Another benefit of mediation for parents is that timelines can be more flexible. With mediation, you aren’t subject to the whims of court deadlines; instead, you can coordinate sessions according to your (already full) schedules. 

They’ll help you consider financial implications

Divorce comes with numerous financial considerations, from the day-to-day details to long-term ones.

Your divorce attorney can help you hone a realistic household budget based on your income, child support or alimony obligations, and other factors, bringing in other financial professionals suited to your situation to provide advice beyond their scope. 

This budget should reflect any “hidden” expenses. For example, if you’re thinking about moving to a new home as a result of your divorce, your attorney can help you identify the different types of costs associated with the move. This means not just down payments or deposits, but expenses like setting up new internet in your home, hiring movers, and even the cost of getting takeout when you’re too wiped out to unpack your dishes. 

If your financial life involves more complex elements, such as business investments or pensions and retirement plans, your attorney can help you identify ways to make these decisions and refer you to specialized professionals where needed. 

These components require more nuanced discussions regarding the division of assets, which could impact issues like who gets the house—a question that, in turn, impacts parenting time plans.

2. Be proactive about getting support

For parents, the challenge of navigating a divorce is compounded by the need to remain present for their children. Building a network of support can make all the difference. 

This network can include:

• Friends
• Family
• Professionals like therapists or counselors
• Support groups

If your workplace offers an employee assistance program, consider also taking advantage of this resource. They may be able to connect you with useful resources as you navigate your divorce. 

Support can also look like extra help with your children during this season. While the focus is often on spending as much quality time with your children as possible right now, there may be times when you need another pair of hands. 

For example, if you have several afternoon appointments related to your divorce that can’t be avoided, consider setting up a few playdates during that time so they can be happily occupied during your meeting. 

3. Manage your time effectively

Parents going through a divorce have a lot of obligations to handle, including:

• Legal appointments
• Parenting duties
• Household responsibilities
• Job responsibilities (if working outside the home)

Staying on track with everything requires a high level of organization and efficiency. However, when you have a plan for managing your time, you can handle unexpected events and changes with less stress.

Use tools to help keep you organized

As a parent, you know the value of a good schedule. Now is the time to extend that to your upcoming divorce. Create a calendar of legal deadlines that overlaps with your household calendar so you can track important dates and commitments and allocate time across various responsibilities. 

While there is much to be said for a traditional paper calendar, look at investing in a digital calendar. You have a lot on your mind, and being able to have your calendar for reference at any time is helpful. 

You may also benefit from using co-parenting apps to assist with communication and coordination. Discuss these options with your divorce attorney so you can incorporate them effectively into your co-parenting relationship if desired. 

Set healthy boundaries

Effective time management during a divorce also involves setting priorities and learning to say no to non-essential commitments. This might mean turning down extra commitments to make sure you have enough time for your legal obligations, children, and yourself. 

For example, if you’re being asked to join the school auction team, weigh whether those obligations will add too much stress or if helping out will provide a much-needed reprieve. 

If you work outside the home, consider requesting flexible hours during this time. Remote or hybrid working can allow you much-appreciated leeway as you and your children adjust to your new routines. 

Make time for your children  

Life is a lot to deal with sometimes. Divorce certainly is, as well. As you and your family navigate this change, take time to focus just on your children. 

What does this have to do with time management? Studies show that feeling overwhelmed can make it harder to manage our time effectively. Taking a break can improve our ability to focus and be productive. 

Making time for your children can be done in many ways, and it doesn’t have to cost money. Go for an after-dinner walk together or have a board game night. Visit the library and spend the afternoon reading books. 

Give your child the gift of uninterrupted attention, and both of you will benefit. 

Take the first step toward a de-stressed divorce with an experienced attorney

At Jacobs Berger, we understand the complexities of divorce and its unique challenges for parents. 

Our team of empathetic, experienced divorce attorneys is dedicated to helping you manage the divorce process with as little stress as possible. Our personalized approach considers your unique needs so we can provide the comprehensive support you need during and after a divorce.

If you need help navigating your divorce, contact our team to coordinate your strategy planning session today.